moments : december 29th-january 1st.

one.

I woke up at 8:30am, out of habit, and noticed that he still had his arms(and a leg) around me. It occurred to me that I never actually wake up in a tangle of arms and legs. I squirm, and get warm, and usually by morning, my bed partner and I are on opposite sides of the bed. I'd never stayed the night here before, but it's always the same everywhere. But here he was - this funny boy I haven't known for very long - his hair falling over his face, his face burrowed in my hair, one arm in the crook of my neck, the other falling over and around me. I didn't think that real people could actually wake up this way.

I gently disentangled myself, and went to get a glass of water.

We already knew we weren't going to date. We got along well, but neither of us deserved to be a rebound, which we had already concluded that a relationship between us would be. Still, when I climbed back into bed, he wrapped his arms around me again.

two.

"Good morning, Josephine." Josephine is a cat. I had fallen asleep on a friend's couch. Josephine is casually sitting on my face.

"Purr. Purrr," said Josephine.

"Yes, I know. I'm going to grow old and be a crazy cat lady, and the best I can hope for will be a cat on my face in the morning."

"Puuurrrrrrr." she said, digging her paws into my chin.

"Oh god. I'm going to grow old alone."

"Purr."

three.

She started nibbling on my ear towards the end of 'Til There Was You, one of those movies where there is entirely no romantic tension between the main characters throughout the entire film. I kissed her back at the beginning of Strictly Ballroom, the aesthetically painful Baz Lurhman movie. She is very soft.

We counted down to the New Year in an apartment full of old and new friends. My first kiss of 2008. Later, halfway through Love Actually, I fell asleep on her lap.

four.

We are working on "what-to-do-next plans". The general consensus is to head to Sean's house and hang out there. I am acutely aware of the fact that Sean's roommate is my ex-boyfriend, and I nod and politely exclude myself. "I'll see you guys, later," I say, forcing a smile on my face. I used to spend a lot of time at that house. I still have a number of things there. He is still not talking to me.

I hug everyone and walk to my car. On the way home, my iPod shuffles to the Magnetic Fields' "I Think I Need a New Heart" :

cause I always say I love you
when I mean turn out the light
and I say let's run away
when I just mean stay the night
but the words you want to hear
you will never hear from me
I'll never say "happy anniversary"
never stay to say "happy anniversary"

A reminder of all the things that I couldn't be.

I cry on the way home. It felt really good to finally cry about that.

I'm not sure if 2008 will be better than 2007, because 2007 was an indomitably interesting year. But I will be better. I'm going to rock 2008. Just watch.