One of the things that I always ask people that I have been on dates on or are otherwise interested in is "what is your favourite book?"
Oh, and I keep a spreadsheet.
This brief and informal survey covers men that I have dated, men I have gone on dates with, and men that I have fooled around with, but not dated, and excludes the three long term relationships and "nothing happened" people that I was merely attracted to. Actually, there is a random sampling of the "nothing happened" people, because I can't associate some of these books in my spreadsheet with people, and I assume it's probably them. It doesn't really skew my results much. Also, some people got two or three choices because they were indecisive when I asked.
So, what were the top books? The Lord of the Rings trilogy and Ender's Game are tied for first place with three picks each. I will say that four of those six men were not immediately apparent as nerds. Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land is second, with two and a half picks(the half being that I liked him enough to add him to this list, even though nothing would ever happen), but I knew those were nerds from the get go. That's a decent amount of book redundancy, considering that I'm not really a ho. It also says that I appear to be generally attracted to nerds. I'm actually very surprised that The Hitchhiker's Guide was not mentioned more often.
Character traits most often associated with the people associated with these recurring books(mind you, these are overreaching generalizations that I'm making because I can):
LOTR Trilogy: Generally shy. Slightly awkward. Adorable. Caring. Gentleman-ly. Most likely to try asking me out again. Needy. Weak willed.
Ender's Game: Artistic. Most likely to not ask me out again. Emotionally detached. Passionate. Distracted. Cold. Sarcastic. Confident. Self absorbed. Intelligent.
Stranger in a Strange Land: Creative. Most likely to actually go out with me again. Generally very socially adept. Jealous. Moody. Open. Inconsiderate. Honest. Engaging. Responsive. Affectionate. Calm.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Most likely to be obvilious to my presence. Most likely to quote Monty Python incessantly until I want to brain them with a soap dish. Generally happy-go-lucky. Private. Thoughtful. Humorous. Shallow.
Actually, there are only two books on the list that I wouldn't consider science fiction or fantasy(Kokoro by Natsume Soseki and Alice in Wonderland). Oh, and Slaughterhouse Five, but that really did feel like an afterthought - maybe he felt that he needed to impress me after first saying that he was really into Dune(which is by the way, a totally acceptable answer in my book). Man, what is with me and nerds.
Here's the actual list.
Men I have Dated and Their Favourite Books - 2002-2007
Isaac Asimov, The Foundation Trilogy, - 1
Isaac Asimov, I, Robot - 1
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. - 2
Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game - 3
Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll - 1
Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time, - 1
Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land - 2 1/2
Frank Herbert, Dune - 1
Philip Pullman - His Dark Materials - 1
Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman - Good Omens. - 1
Natsume Soseki, Kokoro - 1
Tolkein, The Lord of the Rings - 3
Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse Five, - 1
The worst answers I have gotten, which is also related to why these people aren't actually included on this list are:
1. anything by Robert Jordan. (Look, it's a fun read. I can see that. I read the first five of the Wheel of Time series before I decided I wanted to poke my eyes out. But c'mon. Favourite book? Really?)
2. Hamlet. This would have been a totally okay answer if the justification hadn't been "I think it's really deep. Have you read it?" "Deep", really? Yeah, I think Hamlet is pretty "deep" - you know, if I had read...Hamlet. Moron.
3. The Backstage Handbook. Now, this book is really useful if you might have forgotten how to tie a bowline, or needed a life size drawing of a 16d nail or just couldn't remember the height of a standard door. It is really awesome when you're not sure how to build a step unit, how to calculate wattage and need to convert a groundplan to the metric system. It is not your favourite book. It just can't be your favourite book. Come ON, this is not your favourite book! Bah, I'm done with stage technicians.
And so what does this mean?
1. I clearly gravitate towards nerds. I suppose we knew this already.
2. I am a huge dork who considers decent reading material as a factor in any possible relationship.
That's it, really.
By the way, yes, I have read Hamlet.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
thoughts on men - the primer.
Dates:
1. I know this should be obvious, but buying me dinner does not mean I'll sleep with you.
2. I won't argue with you too much if you make significantly more than I do, but if we're both starving artists, which most of you will tend to be, let's not bicker over splitting the check because that's just embarassing.
3. I do appreciate you opening the door, even if automatic locks means I can't really lean over and return the favour.
4. I don't really want to talk to you about your ex girlfriend on a first date. It just really isn't first date material.
5. I will ask you what your favourite book is almost immediately and I will judge you based on your answer. I keep a record of this in a spreadsheet. It's serious business.
6. I work a lot, so I talk about work a lot. Sorry. I really do think it's super cute when you tell me about your roles in high school musicals, though.
Fuck buddies:
1. I'm not the jealous type. Actually, I'm very not-jealous to the point that I don't even enjoy being competitive. I want to be the smartest, prettiest, funniest, most talented girl that you are currently sleeping with. If I'm not, that's okay and often expected, but I don't like being second best, so I won't sleep, or continue sleeping with you. Other women that will trigger my lack of desire to sleep with you: 18 year olds, women with headshots, women who are programmers, engineers or strippers.
2. I don't mind suggestions regarding overlapping fuckbuddy arrangements(is that a polite enough term for "threesomes"?). But c'mon - just because you don't have good taste in women doesn't mean I don't either!
3. Talking to me about ex-girlfriends/fuckbuddies/lovers is okay, talking to me about current ones is not, even if you're bitching about them.
4. Hide evidence. I know you're sleeping with other people, but I prefer not to reach over for my chapstick and accidentally poke a used condom. Also, used condoms? They go in the goddamn fucking trashcan.
5. I consider you a friend, as well as a sexual object. I know this violates a couple tenets of standard fuckbuddy rules. I'm not developing feelings for you, I just can't conscentiously have sex with someone that I didn't respect in a context other than sexual.
6. I have a bad habit of sleeping with people that I may have reason to spend a decent amount of time around in other situations, including but not limited to work, school and/or mutual friends. For clarity's sake, a date is not dinner/lunch/beer following/preceding/during work/school, it is not a "hey, let's hang out" and it is not a "what are you doing now/after this meeting/before rehearsal?" Forethought is what makes a date, and if you're a fuck buddy, I don't expect you to ever have any. So don't get paranoid about heading out to dinner. It's not a date. Refer to #5.
Boyfriends:
1. So, remember #1 of the fuckbuddy rules? The one about not being the jealous type? If you're my boyfriend, it doesn't count. I will be jealous. I will have an inferiority complex. I do like the women in your life, but only until my relationship with you feels threatened. It takes me quite a bit longer to get there than a lot of other women, but I will be angrier and more depressed and irrational than they are if it hits that point.
2. I want you. I know it often won't really seem like it. I work, I have my own group of friends, I simply don't have that much time and I am going to pursue this relationship regardless of it. I know, it is very selfish of me. "You can't have it all," my mother says - but I'm going to try anyway. I need you to talk me out of my panic attacks, my irrational thoughts and my bouts of insomnia. I need you more than I will admit to you, anyone else or even myself. I am paranoid when you don't pick up the phone. I'm independent and I'm pretty tough but I still want, and very much need, you.
3. If you don't like food, this is really not going to work out.
4. I do not want commitment. I really don't. But, I'm trying. Much harder than you think I am. This is at odds with #2 and I know that. That's why I'm trying really, really hard.
5. I hope you're not the jealous type because most of my friends are male.
6. I am afraid of breaking up, and I am very bad at it. When relationships don't fulfill me, I try to fill the gaps with something else. Sometimes, its other people. I've cheated, and I've "helped" other people cheat. I'm not proud of it, and I certainly feel like shit because of it and I'm trying to fix the issues I have that make me do it. And if or when I break up with you, I'm going to try my best to do it with complete truth and respect and hopefully, grace.
1. I know this should be obvious, but buying me dinner does not mean I'll sleep with you.
2. I won't argue with you too much if you make significantly more than I do, but if we're both starving artists, which most of you will tend to be, let's not bicker over splitting the check because that's just embarassing.
3. I do appreciate you opening the door, even if automatic locks means I can't really lean over and return the favour.
4. I don't really want to talk to you about your ex girlfriend on a first date. It just really isn't first date material.
5. I will ask you what your favourite book is almost immediately and I will judge you based on your answer. I keep a record of this in a spreadsheet. It's serious business.
6. I work a lot, so I talk about work a lot. Sorry. I really do think it's super cute when you tell me about your roles in high school musicals, though.
Fuck buddies:
1. I'm not the jealous type. Actually, I'm very not-jealous to the point that I don't even enjoy being competitive. I want to be the smartest, prettiest, funniest, most talented girl that you are currently sleeping with. If I'm not, that's okay and often expected, but I don't like being second best, so I won't sleep, or continue sleeping with you. Other women that will trigger my lack of desire to sleep with you: 18 year olds, women with headshots, women who are programmers, engineers or strippers.
2. I don't mind suggestions regarding overlapping fuckbuddy arrangements(is that a polite enough term for "threesomes"?). But c'mon - just because you don't have good taste in women doesn't mean I don't either!
3. Talking to me about ex-girlfriends/fuckbuddies/lovers is okay, talking to me about current ones is not, even if you're bitching about them.
4. Hide evidence. I know you're sleeping with other people, but I prefer not to reach over for my chapstick and accidentally poke a used condom. Also, used condoms? They go in the goddamn fucking trashcan.
5. I consider you a friend, as well as a sexual object. I know this violates a couple tenets of standard fuckbuddy rules. I'm not developing feelings for you, I just can't conscentiously have sex with someone that I didn't respect in a context other than sexual.
6. I have a bad habit of sleeping with people that I may have reason to spend a decent amount of time around in other situations, including but not limited to work, school and/or mutual friends. For clarity's sake, a date is not dinner/lunch/beer following/preceding/during work/school, it is not a "hey, let's hang out" and it is not a "what are you doing now/after this meeting/before rehearsal?" Forethought is what makes a date, and if you're a fuck buddy, I don't expect you to ever have any. So don't get paranoid about heading out to dinner. It's not a date. Refer to #5.
Boyfriends:
1. So, remember #1 of the fuckbuddy rules? The one about not being the jealous type? If you're my boyfriend, it doesn't count. I will be jealous. I will have an inferiority complex. I do like the women in your life, but only until my relationship with you feels threatened. It takes me quite a bit longer to get there than a lot of other women, but I will be angrier and more depressed and irrational than they are if it hits that point.
2. I want you. I know it often won't really seem like it. I work, I have my own group of friends, I simply don't have that much time and I am going to pursue this relationship regardless of it. I know, it is very selfish of me. "You can't have it all," my mother says - but I'm going to try anyway. I need you to talk me out of my panic attacks, my irrational thoughts and my bouts of insomnia. I need you more than I will admit to you, anyone else or even myself. I am paranoid when you don't pick up the phone. I'm independent and I'm pretty tough but I still want, and very much need, you.
3. If you don't like food, this is really not going to work out.
4. I do not want commitment. I really don't. But, I'm trying. Much harder than you think I am. This is at odds with #2 and I know that. That's why I'm trying really, really hard.
5. I hope you're not the jealous type because most of my friends are male.
6. I am afraid of breaking up, and I am very bad at it. When relationships don't fulfill me, I try to fill the gaps with something else. Sometimes, its other people. I've cheated, and I've "helped" other people cheat. I'm not proud of it, and I certainly feel like shit because of it and I'm trying to fix the issues I have that make me do it. And if or when I break up with you, I'm going to try my best to do it with complete truth and respect and hopefully, grace.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
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