on monogamy.

I haven't been posting here much because, frankly there's not much to say when you're living in a world of drama free monogamy.

Wait, what? Yeah. Monogamy.

It turns out that the boy of the last couple blog posts did in fact decide he wanted to be "just friends," which was disappointing because I'd really never been on the receiving end of a "just friends" conversation. We are just friends now, the sort that send brief text messages to each other and make dinner plans that one of us will ultimately cancel on - and I realize that it was merely a brief infatuation on my part with yet another awkwardly charming boy. Yet, when it came down to it, I was more annoyed than I was hurt. Truthfully, I wish I were angrier about it, because then it would have meant that I really did care about him - and I really, really wanted to care about him.

But! That doesn't explain the monogamy. My ex boyfriend re-entered my life, because I missed him and I wanted him to, and the feeling was fairly mutual. Our "Relationship, Part One" was wonderful, albeit lacking in emotion. I think we just took each other for granted. We were always busy. Our schedules didn't match up. And I didn't really care to try to make it work.

After a few months of "other men", all of which were interesting and charming(and usually quite attractive) but not quite right, the only thing that did seem right was the ex-boyfriend. And this time, trying out "Relationship Part Two", I'll begrudgingly admit to some stirring of emotion. I might really love this one. But don't tell him, because I haven't admitted it to him yet. He has forgiven my biggest mistakes, and tolerates my smaller ones. He's a huge nerd that likes puns. His eyes are blue-grey. He has large hands. He has ribs that curve inwards which give him a pot belly. He is a foot and two inches taller than I am. He's cute. I like him. We are building a spaceship together.

We're not in a committed relationship(the kind where I'd actually call him my boyfriend again) because the idea of that freaks me out. I don't know when I'll stop being paranoid about commitment, but I'll work around my mental blocks as much as I can. But we're dating again, and I'm trying to be monogamous about it. He has does not have the same restraints; it's just me trying to be monogamous, although he is generally inherently monogamous while I am not. Oddly enough, I am doing pretty well, even faced with the same slate of usual temptations. The sex has gotten better now that our schedules match up and we aren't both tired all the time. Actually, the sex is amazing. Maybe that's why the monogamy is going well this time around.

But, anyway.

I'm afraid this blog gets a bit uninteresting when I don't talk about various men or any drama involving such. Sorry! I'll see what I can do.