The prayers have gotten more ridiculous over the years, and they are often more an exercise in stringing together my thoughts, than they are prayers with any intention, or hope. I have a childhood filled with non intrusive faith, though - and the remnants are difficult to avoid.
Here is a one, although it is more of a statement, and perhaps a reminder that will take hold when I am more sober.
***
Lord.
Give me thicker skin.
Give me the strength to ignore.
Give me the ability to not give a flying fuck.
Give me the sense to suppress my words that need not be said.
And most of all, give me the courage to walk away from those who couldn't care less.
Give me thicker skin.
Give me the strength to ignore.
Give me the ability to not give a flying fuck.
Give me the sense to suppress my words that need not be said.
And most of all, give me the courage to walk away from those who couldn't care less.
***
Oh, I forgot - I'm supposed to be funny.
Here's a funny story.
Once there was a girl who was reasonably pretty and pretty smart and generally speaking, rather congenial. She didn't know all these things, of course. There were a number of people in her life that she rejected and walked away from; she was rather apathetic towards them due to somewhat mediocre self esteem. She just didn't think that anyone could honestly care about her. And since she thought nobody actually cared, reciprocation was just another thing that wasn't worth her time.
These passing people were just minor characters in her story. They were worth a paragraph, maybe. Perhaps a footnote if they had a couple notable quirks, but they were temporary people.
A couple years later, she grew to realize that she was pretty fucking awesome in many respects. She learned to care about people, and did. She realized that human connections were worth more than flippant paragraphs, and sought them out because she had - finally - begun to appreciate them.
Oh, and here's the funny part - because irony is funny, right?
The people in her life became more and more temporary. Her life began to seem more like a uncomfortable travel slideshow, filled with attempts to capture fleeting moments, albeit never really successful.
Perhaps she might have strove for some greater understanding at some point in her past, but for now, a corrupted and awkward consilience was satisfactory.
And then, she realized that she was merely another character in other people's stories, and at best - perhaps a generously kind sentence.
She just was a temporary sort of girl.
Oh wait, that wasn't funny? Sorry, I suppose I'm just not one for levity.
Here's a funny story.
Once there was a girl who was reasonably pretty and pretty smart and generally speaking, rather congenial. She didn't know all these things, of course. There were a number of people in her life that she rejected and walked away from; she was rather apathetic towards them due to somewhat mediocre self esteem. She just didn't think that anyone could honestly care about her. And since she thought nobody actually cared, reciprocation was just another thing that wasn't worth her time.
These passing people were just minor characters in her story. They were worth a paragraph, maybe. Perhaps a footnote if they had a couple notable quirks, but they were temporary people.
A couple years later, she grew to realize that she was pretty fucking awesome in many respects. She learned to care about people, and did. She realized that human connections were worth more than flippant paragraphs, and sought them out because she had - finally - begun to appreciate them.
Oh, and here's the funny part - because irony is funny, right?
The people in her life became more and more temporary. Her life began to seem more like a uncomfortable travel slideshow, filled with attempts to capture fleeting moments, albeit never really successful.
Perhaps she might have strove for some greater understanding at some point in her past, but for now, a corrupted and awkward consilience was satisfactory.
And then, she realized that she was merely another character in other people's stories, and at best - perhaps a generously kind sentence.
She just was a temporary sort of girl.
***
Oh wait, that wasn't funny? Sorry, I suppose I'm just not one for levity.
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