And far be it for me to depart from my agreement to not be emo for the rest of the year, or to deviate too far from my blog's title - but I have to little to talk about regarding whiskey. So, really, what else?
So, since it's nearly the end of the year, here is an overview of the men of 2007. I didn't sleep with all of them; I'm not that much of a slut.
1. The Friend In Quotation Marks.
He technically belongs in the category of 2006 men, but for a very brief overlap into 2007. Also, I didn't do this in 2006.
The Friend in Quotation Marks actually started out as as A Friend Without Quotation Marks, which makes it the first such transition in my life. Generally speaking, I don't bed my friends, but he was cute and charming at a time when I was weak willed and lonely and rebound-ey. I am fortunate to have known him, not only for the good sex and enjoyable company, but because he is truly a smart, wonderful, and talented person who is surprisingly - still my friend.
Our relationship-of-sorts drifted away without any discussion into sporadic emails and text messages after we both got busier and caught up in our separate lives, but I am constantly grateful for the company we still share during our occasional talks over a beer or four.
2. The Boy I Liked.
I dated the Boy I Liked for about 8 months(and "sorta dated" for a bit longer). I remember asking him if he wanted to actually date me on March 14th. I only remember this because it was Pi day. Get it? 3/14? Anyway, he was one of those men that would have appreciated that, even if I'm certain he didn't remember.
I almost wish we hadn't dated, because I think we could have been wonderful friends. We played off each other incredibly well, and we definitely had some amazing adventures together.
He was probably the perfect balance of social and nerdy; I loved his friends and I wish I had met him at a later point in my life. Perhaps a version of me that was a bit older, a bit more prepared to settle down, and a bit less flighty and fickle.
Also, large cock. Seriously. Ow. Maybe too much so. Really, I'm not a very big girl.
At the end, though, the truth was that as much as I liked him and thought the world of him, I still didn't love him. There was just some sort of emotion missing from this relationship, and I truly felt that continuing it would have been selfish and unfair.
I do miss his company, though.
3. The One with the Perfect Penis.
I wish that I could be more truthful and give this one a far more appropriate name(not that the current moniker is inappropriate at all), but what I can find to actually say is minimal and completely trivial compared to what I still can't seem to find the right words for.
So, instead, I'll be crass and say that the sex, and general physical compatibility, was ridiculously incredible and I am afraid that if enough time passes, I will think that I would have just imagined it.
This boy was probably my greatest departure from "type." Objectively speaking, and based only on my past attractions to boys with rough hands and charming awkwardness, I would have ignored him. I'm still uncertain why I'd started flirting with him in the first place(or flirted back, I can't remember), but sometimes I am just compelled to do things I can't explain.
Perhaps that's why I still think about this one. I can't figure out why I liked him when I met him, except that I did. I found lots of reasons to quantify why I would have liked him later, as he is in fact, intelligent and funny and just awesome, but I am still perturbed wondering how I was drawn to him in the first place.
Some days, I am tempted to reassure myself by making myself think that the initial compulsion was formed on a visceral attraction to some basic physical feature, like his pretty amazing eyes - but I know that can't be true because I don't remember whether they were blue or green or both.
4. The One That Should Have Stayed The Fuck Away.
If I can think of one person that could have broken my trust in men, or people, it was him. I don't hate him, because I'm still convinced that it was all a mistake on his part. I actually often pity him.
But he also doesn't deserve another sentence worth talking about.
5. The We-Don't-Remember-It-So-Let's-Not-Mention-It-Again Boy.
Yeeeah. So, about that? Yeah, let's just not talk about that ever again. Yes, we definitely did not have sex - that much I very certainly remember. But I do have a couple bruises I can't explain, jerk.
Okay, memory being erased . Right. Now.
6. The Boy That Reminded me of an Awkward Puppy.
Perhaps it was because there was a large yellow Labrador sitting outside the bar where we were supposed to meet that made me think that he reminded me of a puppy, or perhaps it was the fact that his hair fell over his eyes as he stood up to hug me, or perhaps it was his awkward, and yet completely comfortable charm, but I felt utterly compelled to scratch his head.
The moment I met him, I wanted to protect him. Not in a creepy maternal way, but in the sense that he was a person that I never wanted to see hurt. Ever. It was a strange feeling, because I'd only felt that way about someone else once, and that feeling was far too fresh in my mind to be reminded of it again.
"You are a heartbreaker" - it has been an accusation levied by many of my friends, both in jest and with a degree of solemnity. They have been polite enough to attribute it to a sort of bumbling social gracelessness on my part, rather than any sort of malicious intent. I wouldn't be that sort of person, really. I am fairly ordinary: pretty enough, and smart enough and interesting enough, but at the end of the day, I'm just another girl, and not the stereotypical sort that breaks hearts. But - still. It happens.
And because the date with The Puppy, in fact, went very, very well and we got along like old friends, and were definitely compatible, and yet different enough, on an intellectual, creative and physical level - and he has already admitted to being somewhat smitten(although I take that with a grain of salt) - I know that the only way to protect him is to simply walk away.
2007 has been an incredible year for me. It has been a year of changes, like moving to LA, and taking my first desk job, and just the simple fact that I have met so many new and interesting people in one year that I want to keep in my life.
I'm ending this year a little lonelier than the last one, but I don't regret the adventures that got me here. I'll probably spend New Year's with my old roommates in their small, cramped, but comforting apartment watching romantic chick flicks. If these plans work out, for the first time in years, I will kiss no one at midnight.
For the first time in years, I am totally okay with that.
This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath
No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again
(regina spektor, from "on the radio")
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again
(regina spektor, from "on the radio")
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